June 8, 2006
No thanks AARP, we'd rather be pole dancing
You've heard about it, or may even have experienced this horror first
hand. Picture this. You're approaching your 50th birthday, which trust The Three Tomatoes, is
not like approaching some of those minor milestones, like forty. You're thinking to yourself, "How the hell did I get
this old?" And for the first time in your life, you're contemplating lying about your age, and you're desperately hoping no one
decides to throw you a surprise party. Your face, which looked just great only a few days ago, now upon critical self-inspection, has sprung wrinkles
and deep crevices overnight. And who knows how much gray lies under those highlights? So just when you're at your
lowest moment, the mail arrives. And worse than all those snotty aging cards from your friends, there's an envelope personally
addressed to you that's (gasp) your invitation from AARP informing you that now
that you're fifty you can join their ranks!
How the heck do those old people at AARP know your age? And
how dare they contact you? Why would they think you're "retired" and who the heck really retires anyway? So if
you're like The Three
Tomatoes, their solicitations go the way of junk mail. So why are we mentioning AARP?
Well as it happens, Stuart Elliott's column in the New York Times
this week had a story about "them" that got us chuckling. First of all, according to the column, AARP no long means
"the American Association of Retired People". Okay, so then what the heck so it mean? Which
really begs the question, why don't they just change their name to something more appealing? Which would be just about
any name you could think of -- how about BOLD (beyond old), Trenders of America, The Evergreens, or Pole Dancers? ( Yes we'll get to
that.) But, rather than a name change, "they" have hired a firm that specializes in creating music and sounds for
brands. (You know, like the Intel Inside bong, etc.). So the idea is to create music around the AARP
brand that will make them more appealing. Gee, we can't wait to hear that music --- like maybe Diana Ross
singing her classic "Hey Mister Postman" , with the line "is there an AARP letter, a letter for me?"
We'd rather be pole dancing
So, all in all, we'd really rather be pole dancing than thinking about AARP --
unless of course, they offer discounts to some of the new pole dancing studios that have opened up in New York City. Yes pole
dancing has become one of the fastest growing exercise trends out there, thanks to celebrities with great bodies, like Demi Moore, Sharon Stone and
Terri Hatcher who are big proponents. It's supposedly a really great workout for toning, and flexibility, for
women of all ages, shapes and sizes, not to mention unleashing your inner bad girl. So
if you've gotten a little bored with yoga and pilates, and being a "good girl", here are a couple of pole dancing studios you might want to check
out.
The S
Factor, founded by dancer and actress Shelia Kelley( who has demonstrated her techniques on Oprah and elsewhere) recently
opened a studio in Chelsea. For $40, you can take a 2 hour introductory course.
Then there's Pole Dance Studio NYC, an offshoot of Exotic Dance Central, which offers classes to "everyday women
from all walks of life to empower themselves through the art of exotic dance" Their studio is in midtown.
We're so there.
‘til next week,
The Three Tomatoes
Copyright©2006. The Three Tomatoes. All
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