In this issue:

Get your free tickets to the Make Believe Band!!!!

 
WUT is pleased to announce a late addition to the 2007-2008 World Stage Series: Munch's Make Believe Band. The performance will take place at 7:30 p.m. on April 1, 2008, with a reception to follow at Chuck E. Cheese's.

 
"We're excited to offer our theater patrons a family-friendly show that will captivate children and adults of all ages," said Ralph Russo, cultural arts director for the theater.

 
A regular at numerous family entertainment complexes across the nation, this pop rock band is a mix of musicians from all walks of life- and species. They are best known for their hit single, "I Want You to Pet Me." Lead singer Chuck E. Cheese was recently named "Most Eligible Bachelor" in Of Mice and Men Monthly.

 
The band, which has released 37 albums since their 1987 debut, is touring in support of their latest album, It's All Just Make Believe.
 

~Sarah Smogoleski

 
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Bruce finds Bliss at Work and Agrees to be Interviewed

 
So, it's like any other Tuesday morning here at the Union Theater; for a moment it is quiet, I'm getting some work done, drinking my tea, then the next I'm being bombarded with questions from every direction and apparently turn into the information desk for the city of Madison. As I'm on the phone with someone who wants to talk with Ralph, I notice this soft golden light coming from Bruce's office. I quickly transfer the call and myself to get a closer look. What could it be? Was Bruce looking at a lost and found golden ring that landed on his desk? Folks, you won't believe what you are about to hear. Are you sitting down? Good.

 
Standing just outside the door to his office, I see Sarah, the newest of the Theater family. Her jaw landed on the floor, eyes bugged out, staring at this golden glob that was floating where Bruce was, literally two minutes ago. "I just asked him if he'd be willing to do an interview, and he said, 'hallelujah, yes! I'd love to be interviewed!' and then he just combusted into this light!" exclaimed Sarah.

 
Some call it satori, some call it moksha; others call it enlightenment. Whatever it is, Bruce reached it here at work, surprisingly right before he agreed to be interviewed! On a bittersweet ending, no interview exists because of the state of his being... wherever it is. Bruce? Can you hear us? Can you still do an interview? Was that a yes?

 
~Claire Weissenfluh

 
Disclaimer: we love Bruce and his psychological (or physical) well-being was not in anyway harmed during or by this article.

 
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Above: Russo and Ghost flexing their muscles while Claire Weissenfluh jumps back in disbelief (File Photo).

Member of Theater Staff Missing!

 
Ralph Russo, a long time staff member at the Wisconsin Union Theater, has been missing for 32 hours and has apparently been kidnapped. Police suspect a Mr. Theater Ghost may be responsible for the crime. Prior to his latest act of violence, Ghost has been responsible only for minor annoyances including the flickering of lights and "Ooohs" and "Aaahs" in the night. Authorities believe that when Russo yelled one evening that Ghost's haunting technique was rather unoriginal and was not in the least bit frightening to anyone, he became enraged and took Russo. Police Commissioner U.R. Tall gave a brief statement. "We believe that Ghost lured Russo from the theater and into his underground lair using Hershey's Kisses," he stated, adding, "We don't think he is in any grave danger since Ghost can't actually touch or move objects including people. Russo is most likely able to walk out of the underground lair by his own volition, but he probably just hasn't realized it yet." Bruce Ehlinger of the Wisconsin Union Theater commented, "Yea, real sad, he doesn't have to work and I do? I bet there's a T.V. in the underground lair....Why not me!" 

~Sarah Crist

 
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Lunar Landscape Lands in New Home, Brings Hope to Humanity

 
It was with a mix of sadness and pride that the theater staff bid goodbye to our Lunar Landscape. "This piece of art has been our pride and joy for many years," said theater director Ralph Russo before his recent disappearance, "we've loved its intricacy, its beauty and the complex messages it conveys." However, he noted, we are, of course, proud that it has been chosen by President Bush and NASA to be sent to the moon to represent our country's desire for peace and love on Earth and the other planets we plan to profit from in the near future. "Now," he said, "all of humanity will be able to share with us these complex messages. Yay to the theater!"

 
To see the moonscape in its new home, please go to the classified url for the office of homeland security, love, peace, and profit.

 
~Esty Dinur

 
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Happy April Fool's Day!!!  

 
Newsletter staff:

Editor: Esty Dinur

Technical Advisor: Heather Good

Layout Designer: Claire Weissenfluh